That’s one big elephant



Photo credit: http://www.readingart.ca/blog/?cat=418

 

Happy Holidays! I pray that you all are enjoying your families during this holiday season.

Be forewarned, depending on your viewpoint, I didn’t choose a pleasant topic for this month.

This post is for anyone mourning the loss of a loved one.

 

See, the handsome guy you see above is none other than my Daddy, my Ace, my Playa from the Himalayas, my first love, my Father. He suddenly passed away earlier in the year due to health issues and I miss him dearly.  His death changed my entire view of life. I have a refined take on why we as people exist and what we are supposed to do while we are here on Earth. I bask in moments of happiness. I fancy over natures gifts a little longer. And ironically, I love a little harder.

If it seems like I’m being positive patty… I am.



Photo credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/waterfall-nature-6832/

There is a downfall.

I began this post a couple of months before releasing so it’s unclear as to where I will be in my process…But this one downfall has been the toughest part about my dads passing.




Photo credit: http://quotesgram.com/african-american-quotes-about-faith/

That downfall is called Grief.

Grief is a mean lil twitch. Grief is rude. Grief will interrupt conversations, meetings, social outings, anything. You think it, it’ll try to ruin it.

 In anticipation of my first holiday without my dad, I’m thinking that Grief will end up being the elephant in my room of holiday cheer.

Even with Grief not being invited to the family gathering I’m preparing myself because Grief just may show up. And if it does I’ll just have to deal with it because all in all Grief is actually healthy.

It doesn’t feel good when you’re having a conversation with Grief but it actually helps you process the loss of the loved one. I could spit a bunch of psychological terms to back me up… but I won’t. Just trust me.



Photo credit: http://www.facesandvoicesofrecovery.org/blog/2015/10/challenge-grief

Also trust that when Grief shows up as the elephant in your room, you should have a brief chit chat with it. Meditate on the convo. Get help processing if you need to (and even if you think you don’t). Grieving is a time of reflection but it’s also a time where loved ones should definitely be utilized.

I recently attended a seminar on Love and its relation to the multitude of religious practices. A panel member representing the Buddhist practice said (loosely translated) that “most of our disappointment’s in life stem from the concept of desire.” When it comes to bereavement, our desire was to have our loved one here with us, maybe for eternity, but our reality is that it won’t always be this way. There’s a middle ground of sorts that we must deal with. The ground of living without their physical presence and leaning on their spirit.  

In closing, anything by Frankie Beverly and Maze is my dads love letter to me. It helps me deal with my middle ground… 3 minutes of their music and everything is alright in my world. If you’re grieving for someone this holiday season, I hope that this can lift your spirits.  Really listen…

 

Enjoy your family this holiday season. Spend time not money. Love harder.

 

Be Blessed.  

 

Nika~Nu  

 

Encouraging orgs that I swear by…

www.ettrickumc.org www.alifelineforhope.org www.zipporahsangels.org

30 Days of Gratitude

A couple days late but check out my gratitude journal for the month of November!

1-        Waking up! I’m still a work I progress but I’ve learned to take time to thank God for waking me up each day.

2-      

 

3-       Help received (supportive friends and family) Help given (providing food to the homeless)

4-      Water… and cheesecake LOL

5-       Financial knowledge of my BOSS. (Check out her blog: Joys and Sorrows of Owning a Small Non-Profit)

6-      Childhood nickname

7-       The sky (Thanks GOD)

8-      “Once you know better, do better.” – Maya Angealou

9-      My dads voice…

10-    A piece of my granddads shirt that I plan on making into a pillow <3 <3 I’ll let you know how this goes…

11-     Awareness and knowledge  ;-)

12-    Blow-up bed… lol the struggle was real.

13-    Learning about

14-    A couple… I’m big into self-development books and such.  Janet Jackson’s “True You” is my pick because it was my first account of understanding the art of loving yourself .. plus I just love Janet Jackson. Lol

15-    Typing

16-    Blankets…

17-    My first break up

18-     God’s Humor

19-    Traveling to Philadelphia

20-   Previous leadership position

21-    Burning wood

22-   Trees

23-   The love I received from an elder over Thanksgiving.

24-   Roscoe the Beta Fish (R.I.P.)

25-   Indie RnB and Gospel

26-   Celebrating with friends and family

27-   All family

28-   Purple Blanket from @LaRia

29-   My smile

30-   Dad’s Handkerchief  

Be Beautiful.

Nika  

Flames aren’t hot at all.

*Stands up*

Umm, hi everyone. My name is Ronnika and the flames of my life have me burnt out. 



Photo Credit: http://www.hypable.com/issa-rae-insecure-hbo-trailer/
 

As lovely as America is, the societal climate (insert sarcasm) as a whole has us all in an uproar to BE the best with lesser consideration as to how “me, myself, personally” will get there. The majority of us scurry along the rat race, clicking deadlines, talleying to-do tasks, going to school, getting jobs, and end up in a never ending Q&A of “Is it Friday,” and “I’ve got the Monday Blues.”

Honestly, after 12 years in a public school system, running from standardized testing, then spending 4+ years chasing a Master’s degree…only to greet standardized testing once again, I’m tired of it all. Don’t get me wrong, I desire a degree for sure, but my focus on the chase is quite worrisome.

How did I get to this point??

You may be wondering to yourself… “Well, didn’t she do anything other than school?!” The answer is…kinda. *Clears throat* In a previous post I revealed that in my younger years I was the band geek.

Nowadays, I’m an avid volunteer, student, budding professional, and young adult.

I am also human.

So maybe I was a workaholic who didn't necessarily have the best coping habits and didn't find out until it was too late. lol But don't we all? Long story short, I got a wake up call after my Master’s level advisor sat me down and said "ummm, you need an outlet because you haven't been performing at the level I know you can."

Ding ding ding!! Let me tell you, things still did not click for me until several light bulbs later. Sometimes it takes multiple conversations with different individuals in your life for us to understand just how to get things done in a manner that doesn’t drive us mad. And that’s okay!!  We all grow into our Kairo.

Too often we unconsciously allow ourselves to become wrapped up in the chase so much so that we let everything else in our lives go up in flames instead of basking in those cute little quirky details that make us who we are.

The Chase = the things we call hustle (assignments, meetings, late nights, early mornings, coffee jitters, etc.)

I forgot to allow myself to breathe. I forgot to develop me in the process. I forgot to value myself rather than my work.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/463730092852285225/
 

So no, the flames in the hot room aren’t hot at all. What’s hot are the things that happen leading up to the flame beginning in the first place. What’s hot are the expectations that you have for yourself. What’s hot are the expectations that you DON’T have for yourself. What’s hot are your coping mechanisms, or lack there of.

Go on and hustle. Be the boss. Build your empire. But the best professionals stay afloat by making time for themselves. Just think about it like this, once the flames going, you burn. Let’s try not to get to that point.    

Things that I do to combat burn out:

Manditory R&R. Right after a stressful day, I make it my duty to clear my mind before I go home with what I call #DDR. No need to take bad energy into my castle! I “Debrief” by catching up with a friend or loved one. We either talk about the day or random topics that are of interest to the both of us. I “De-stress” by taking walks in tranquile places. The pet shop is one of my favorites – Yes, I take a stroll through PetSmart and casually admire guppies and turtles for fun. You should try it! Tell me how it goes. Lastly, I “Relax” by taking a nice hot shower and reading a book – currently I’m juggling between The New Jim Crow, 50 Psychology Theories, my devotional, and the Bible.  

Introspection. When I have stressful days, I take some time to really think through my feelings as to why the day was stressful. Was I being challenged in an area that I was not well versed? “Who” made things stressful? Sometimes our stress comes from internal forces instead of our external environment. Explore.

Get up and try again. One thing that I have to tell myself daily is that tomorrow is another chance to get things right. We build our stamina when we go through things on the regular. And honestly, if I didn’t have the struggle I wouldn’t be happy.  

Be Beautiful.

Nika  

 

Encouraging orgs that I swear by…

www.ettrickumc.org www.alifelineforhope.org www.zipporahsangels.org

 

  

Top 3 reasons why I love my HBCU

VSU Homecoming 2016

This is a special post simply to acknowledge the past week of homecoming for the absolute best HBCU in the world! I am a proud Trojan of THE Virginia State University.

#VSUHC2K16 was just that and more!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Below you see me and my roomie posted up with the crew from the comedy show, some of which are from Wildin’ Out.I can honestly say that I was skeptical at first because I was not sure of who the comedians were (true sign of me growing wiser) but the show turned out to be hilariously funny.   

Kirk Franklin gave us a concert that was BLESSED!  

I had plenty moments of nostalgia throughout the weekend… FUN FACT: I was a band geek back in middle school, high school, and some of college. Can you spot me in the video?

 

The charlie horse in my calf was a reminder of me not being the same chick I was 5-6 years ago! #FitnessGoals

Over the years I’ve grown to love my HBCU in a way that will be a part of me for eternity!

Here are my Top 3 reasons why I love my HBCU:

MY HBCU has taught me soooo much about MYSELF as an African-American woman. *Cue Gin and Juice music* With so much drama in the U.S.A. it’s kinda hard bein’ B.L.A.C.K. LOL Ok yeah I had to do it… the thought came to me and I couldn’t let it pass me by.. Seriously though, it’s important to have an identity in a society that lacks luster for us Queens. Yes, I am African AND American AND a Woman. I may not have an accent, nor do I know exactly which country my family is from (we have an idea thanks to AfricanAncestry.com), but from the hue of my skin, the coil of my hair, and the depth of my Soul, I know that my ancestors are from the continent of Africa. I also know that I was raised as a little girl with a mixture of American and familial values. As a Woman, I know that some of my best qualities are my poise, dignity, and intuition. My HBCU has taken part in molding many facets of my personality through my interactions with professors, speakers, and clubs/organizations. I’ve had the chance to explore and connect with parts of myself in a way that I doubt I would have achieved with such zeal at another University. I am appreciative of my process and how my retrospective account has come to light.   

Also, our history as an HBCU is RICH. For me it took growth and a keen desire to truly understand the history of my HBCU and how important it is. I think that it is important to understand that there are multiple avenues to learning this history. What may resonate with one person, may not resonate with you. You have to find your “fountain of knowledge.” What part of the HBCU story do you love? How did you get there? I found my “fountain of knowledge” in the library. Someone else may find their “fountain of knowledge” in the campus minsitry or another club/organization, even a class.

Lastly, the bonds that I share from attending my HBCU. Understand this, no matter where I go in life, I will always remember the people I began college with. There was a small group of us who were a part of the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) Summer Program. We got the chance to obtain credits for school while also getting a head start on grabbing the collegiate experience. We will always share a nostalgic bond of having to navigate academic and social realms. It’s all poetry in motion if you ask me… our lives were extremely nuanced but similar all the same. There’s no other way to explain it. The same goes for friends that I’ve met throughout college as well. Our spirits will forever be one.

 Our matriculation has yielded an awareness that no person can divide. #HAILSTATE




Nika  

 

Check out these encouraging orgs…

www.ettrickumc.org www.alifelineforhope.org www.zipporahsangels.org

Welcome back!!

Sooo…

That “Welcome back” was for me… not you. Haha! But if this is your first time visiting… Welcome, welcome, welcome!

I began this blog about 3 years ago, right before life hooked me by the heart and sent me on an emotional rollercoaster. As I think back on my first blog post, I couldn’t have imagined all that I would have gone through in such a short amount of time.

I’ve toiled for the last few months on what topic I wanted to share…when I wanted to share it… and how I wanted to “craft” this masterpiece.  This only resulted in further procrastination of course…With that in mind, today’s post will be about Transitions.

I was blessed to have the chance to meet and hear a wonderful speaker by the name of Marcus Stanley. His message imposed a profound statement into my life. Loosely translated he said that “As humans, we expect for transitions to be the final step…”

In other words, we are always looking for that major obstacle or trial to be our LAST obstacle or trial. UnFORRRtunately (or fortunately – depends on how you look at it), LIFE doesn’t work that way.

 

Now back to me, for the last 3 years, I’ve been TRANSITIONING. Within those transitions, I’ve been given lifelong lessons, dreams, relationships, joys…and plenty of pains. But in the midst of these transitional moments, I gave the things that happened (good or bad) permission to control my attitude instead of mastering change.

 

I want to encourage you today, if you’re going through a transitional phase that does not feel so delightful… Keep pressing forward. You’ll build a tolerance for what I call BS… Bossy Stress… ;-) LOL

Choose to learn about yourself instead of loathing. What makes you tick? What makes you uncomfortable about that new job? Who can you talk to about these things? What does your spiritual compass look like???? Where are you in chronos vs. kairos time?  

Understanding that just because things look appealing this world is, your journey is yours to follow. Don’t become distracted by someone elses grass. And learn to appreciate the journey in the midst of the storm.

I can’t say that I’ve completely mastered change.. But because I know that transition is inevitable, I now have a better chance at mastering it.

Transition smooth… and Pack Light.

-          Nika  

P.S. We're all cranes sometimes! You aren't alone.

 

Be sure to check out Marcus Stanley at marcusstanley.com and on Facebook: Marcus Stanley.

Encouraging orgs that I swear by…

www.ettrickumc.org www.alifelineforhope.org www.zipporahsangels.org